Do we have children?

Being a "20 something" married couple, it is not uncommon to be asked, "So, any kids yet?"

I have never been asked a harder question in my life than this one.

My answer, hesitantly, is always no. I do not have any kids. I do not have a child. I do not wake up in the middle of the night to a hungry baby. I do not change diapers. I do not have to change my own clothes due to unsuccessfully changing a diaper. I do not embrace my manhood while carrying a diaper-bag. I am not sleep-deprived, calling baby-sitters, or attending soccer practice. Our friends with kids live a beautifully-frantic, cram-packed life, and although they are tired and are under house-arrest by the sole authority of a toddler, I am deeply jealous of them.

We had been married just under a year last December when we found out Bailey was pregnant. We shared the news with family and close friends. We began discussing how our rhythm of life would change. I began preparing dry toast and a half-portion of coffee for Bailey to help smooth out morning-sickness. We spent Christmas with my family in Orlando. We skipped rides that advised against pregnant participants. Bailey, my sister Amberly, and my Mom spent a day shopping and bought our first newborn outfit (my Dad, sister Heather and myself were downing butter-beer and flying on broomsticks). We also picked out our child's first stuffed animal, a Winnie the Pooh bear. After the long drive from Florida to Arkansas we turned around and visited Bailey's family in Texas, where Bailey spent some time shopping with her mother for some infant clothes as well.

Just before our vacation was over we had our first ultrasound appointment.

Wednesday January 4th.

I have never been more anxious in my life as I was at that moment. The ultrasound began and the room fell silent. There was no sound, no heartbeat, no joy. The technician quickly let us know she was going to go get the doctor. His added skills with the ultrasound instruments did not matter.

No sound. No heartbeat. No life.

Bailey had carried our beautiful baby for 10 weeks. There was no way to know when the life ended. There was no way to know why the life ended. We had briefly tasted parenthood.

We celebrate our first child's life and we praise God for the life our child had, for the brief moments that we were a family of three, the brief moments that we were parents.

We cried, a lot. We cried together, with family, and with our community. People surrounded us, served us, held us and loved us as we mourned. We were comforted. But by far, our strongest comfort came from our God who knows the pain of a child's death. Verses such as John 3:16, which I had become desensitized to through years of Vacation Bible School, Bible Drills, and RA's, came flooding into our hearts with fresh new meaning.

For the first time, I understood that God not only suffered pain from Christ's death, but he chose this pain.

God chose pain in choosing us.

The world might see the loss of our child as God inflicting or allowing this terrible tragedy to happen. What I know now is that God is fully involved in pain and tragedy in order to one day fully redeem all suffering, all pain, and everything that separates us from Him.

Revelation 21.1-4

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear rom their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."

FREE Evangelism

I just started my new job at Texas Wesleyan University as a regional transfer recruiter. I spend most of my time at one of the Dallas County Colleges representing the University and communicating important information to students looking to transfer. Recently I shared a space with an investment company who spent 4 hours standing in the middle of the student center asking students "Do you want a free Starbucks gift-card?" I was amazed at how many students blatantly lied over and over again.

Who doesn't want a free gift card?

Even if you hate coffee, I don't, so sign up for the dang card people, my birthday is a month away!

The catch is that we are set up in the student center where everyone who ever sets up anything is stationed. This monotony creates an impossible task of trying to win the attention of students who are forced to walk through this building numerous times a day while always being hounded to give blood, vote, sign a prospect card, or fill out our survey for "a chance to win a free gift card".

The point is, you sound like a hound. If you don't immediately get annoyed at this thought, imagine a full grown blood hound, fully capable of reaching painfully high decibels, barking at a squirrel in a tree that has no desire, need or intention to come anywhere near the ground where even then a clumsy old dog would never catch it.

How different do you sound when your youth group is standing on a Sundance Square street corner asking people "where will you go when you die"?

How different do you sound when you attempt to argue a person into submission all the while only communicating that they are damned?

How different do you sound when instead of living the gospel you are campaigning blind conservative morality?

Mark Driscoll refers to this as shotgun wedding evangelism, where the goal is converts who in turn have very little if any foundation to understand the gospel. For some reason we fail to carry out the full command Jesus gave to make disciples by baptizing and teaching. I thank God and give Him all glory for my baptism both in the water and spirit, but we have become far too pleased with getting people wet.

Without teaching the gospel and scriptures we have failed the great commission.

I was recently challenged and convicted with how my life, actions and conversations live out the gospel. Why   does the gospel not penetrate into my relationships and conversations. Why do I not read scripture with my faith family?

If our lives are gospel centered then we will not have to win the attention of the world. Christ has already done the work we must simply allow it to overwhelm us in our own lives as well as in community.

Acts 2:42-44

"And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the  breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common."

My Master's Degree

Our life most recently (and most consistently) has been described as a whirl wind. This Saturday we will move out of Seminary housing and into our new home. For the story and updates on this progress you can follow my wife's blog. With this move we are officially removing any ties we have with seminary and my progress there of. I have started a training program through Porterbrook and begin a new job next Monday (Sept. 17).

This decision was not easy.
The Porterbrook program is not easy.
Buying a new house is not easy.
My new job is not going to be easy.

Leaving the thought of my Master's degree behind has not been easy.

From the audience's perspective it may seem that I am taking choice B, the wide road, or "the white slide"; allow me to explain: My wife and I both worked at Sky Ranch Camps for 3 summers. One of the events was the water slides, which consisted of 3 slides, a red, white, and blue. The blue was known for throwing you every-which way possible most often ending with a sore neck the next morning but never unsatisfied. The red slide was the most popular among counselors. If you knew how to "dry-slide" (which was definitely against the rules) and burito-wrap your slide mat, you could end the epic slide several feet in the air guaranteeing for your splash to not only reach, but drench the life-guard. Last was the white slide. This slide was longer, but with the added distance you also lost incline which created a slow-ride which most often ended with you getting stuck and having to push yourself the last 10 feet to eventually enter the slide pool (insert small splash).

A lot of what I have learned and who I have become involves my experiences at Sky Ranch. I learned to not waste my time on the white slide, but I also learned to not be scared of something different, something unseen, and something that doesn't "fit".

For years, I have been on one path, which in my mind always included me receiving a Master's of Divinity. The path over the last 10 months has been one, wild, ride. This summer God brought me to a realization that I was putting the approval of Men above himself. I wanted this age-old ministerial degree so badly that I didn't care if it wasn't part of my Master's plan, direction, and calling for me. I have been on the white slide, pushing myself along, hopefully, someday, arriving in that perfect wherever-ville. Why have I been on the white slide?!

I am three weeks into Porterbrook, moving into a new house in two days, and starting a new job in four.

Whether I find myself with a stiff neck in the morning or flying through the air, I now know without any doubt that I am serving my God.

It is not easy, but it is fun!

What do you want to be when you grow up?

The first time I ever felt called to any form of "ministry" was at the end of my seventh grade year when one of our FCA leaders began asking for a Bible Study leader for the following fall. I cannot remember my logic at the time (or if I knew what logic was) but I am sure it most likely had more to do with my respect for my current leader and an extreme desire to receive any similar form of respect from my piers.

In the year to follow I found myself in a constant struggle with God's calling on my life and in September 2001 I "surrendered to the ministry" during a fall retreat. From that tiny tabernacle in the hills of Northeast Arkansas to our apartment today in South Fort Worth God has continually developed his call on my life.

I have been encourage in the gifts God has developed in my life to care for his people and teach his word and constantly receive challenges to serve the Church no matter the price or pain. Bailey and myself understand our broader calling within the body of Christ and specific roles we have been given. We know that God has developed us and brought us together in marriage to serve his people, his Church and his will.

Even though I have had years to work out and understand this calling I am just now able to put my largest struggle into words. My constant craving is not to simply receive a calling but to see our destination. With the gifts, passions, and educational opportunities God has given me, I know that during my life I will be teaching and shepherding the people of God, but I have been struggling for years to discern where, when and how I will be working out this calling. I have recently realized that our lives are not called to a destination that we will fully understand or arrive at anytime during this life or this world. To live every day in hope of reaching some worldly destination is nothing more than a waste of a life.

But we praise God for the destination of his kingdom and the second coming of his son, and until then we ask for continual guidance as we seek to serve His coming kingdom.

The NOT so Whole Theology of the Holy Spirit

Growing up, I was almost always leading my Sunday School class in attendance percentage. I thought I knew all of the answers and for the most part, I did. I learned very quickly what type of questions my teacher would ask, and most of them, stereotypical involved Jesus or God.

I received a Bachelor of Arts from Ouachita Baptist University and during my studies I quickly learned that my theology of the Holy Spirit was almost entirely absent. Anytime discussion of our great helper the Holy Spirit would come up, my friends and I immediately found ourselves doggy-paddling in the deep end. My professors and mentors graciously guided me into the richness of the text and challenged me (and my biased understanding) with their lives and conversations.

Most often, (among Bible Belt Believers) conversation of the Holy Spirit ends with a downward looking view concerning speaking in tongues, or simply with sweaty palms and extreme anxiety.

I understand the concern that stems from a counterfeit experience and most people within this "Christian culture" have rarely (if ever) experienced authentic outpouring work of the Holy Spirit.

But do we desire it? Do we plead for the Holy Spirit to pour into our lives and churches like the fire that broke into the moment of worship in Acts 2? Do we truly believe that our context deems us capable of surviving this fallen world without the Spirit of God?

So, first off, I challenge a careful reading through the book of Acts, which speaks of the Holy Spirit twice as much as any other book in our Holy Bible.. For so long this book has been called "The Acts of the Apostles" and rightly so, but if you focus on the agency of the action I hope and believe your heart and head will be challenged with the constant requirement of the great helper.

Second, I pray for the day (for myself, for you, and for the Church) that we truly worship the Trinity in fear of the perfect will of God, and not in fear of gibberish coming out of your mouth. Do not take part in speech as debate, but challenge one another and seek the truth of our sacred text.

Ephesians 1:13

"In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, 

and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee 

of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory."

The Holy Spirit is God and if you are saved by Christ Jesus you have received this beautiful promise. Do not run from this truth, but run to our helper, and pray to be filled by Him as we wait for the great return of our Savior Jesus Christ.

Extra-biblical Theology

When was the last time you came across a puzzling piece of theological pie? What was your reaction? How do you study theology? Where do you find your support? What is your foundation?

One of the most valuable theological lessons I learned during my undergraduate work was in an introductory philosophy class. I may or may not have been the ignorant front row baptist who opened his mouth far too often. I found myself arguing with my professor (and the rest of the class for that matter) concerning the simple question, "Can God create a squircle (a square-circle)?" The idea comes from the philosophical law of non-contradiction which states "that something cannot be both true and not true at the same time when dealing with the same context" (Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry - carm.org). One of the simplest and most common discussions within this law involve questions like, "can God create a rock so heavy that he can't lift it?"

At the time I had a very shallow theology and as much as a puddle of thought for philosophy, but I simply could not accept any phrase that involved "God cannot".

After much embarrassment and confusion I came to one conclusion, which has never been refuted, the idea is as follows: Theology is the study of God, and we do know things about God, but the very moment we begin to define God with human words and definitions, we immediately begin to limit him. Back to the original debate; I understand that the idea of a squircle is impossible, but it is defined as impossible through our definitions of both a circle and a square. For God to create a square with no corners and a circle that has no diameter, couldn't he accomplish it outside of human standards (as is his very nature)?

So many books, pastors and teachers alike, all too often remain firmly rooted in their theological bunker as they fire contradicting ideas at one another. All the while forgetting that their view is trapped (for the time being) in a state of worldly definitions. The very word "theology" is never found in the scriptures as is the case with so many of our definitions of God himself.

Where are your theological roots grounded? Do you find power and answers solely through human words (whether they are yours or your favorite theologians)? The only words we can fully trust are those which were breathed out by God himself, and it is in His Holy Scriptures that we must find our firm foundation.  

John 1:14

"And the word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, 

glory as of the only Son from the father, full of grace and truth."

Supporting the Opposition

Many bible-belters ate mor chikin today...

What was the cause? What were the results? 

Those who shared chicken sandwiches today would tell you they were supporting an "appreciation day", declared by Mike Huckabee who declared this day on August 1st in support of Dan Cathy's statement for biblical marriage. I praise God for these leaders and hope to understand biblical marriage more every day as I seek to lead my wife.

But what was the real cause today? Were the supporters standing for biblical marriage or against gays.

What was the true result today? Please don't tell me you were concerned about Chic-Fil-A not having enough business. Perhaps a clearer angle to understand today's news is not how your Sunday school class cheered you on for enjoying an extra shake, but more so how a growing group of people were treated today. Homosexuality is sinful, but so is debt, sexually-immorality, and idleness, all of which are growing in our world and in our Christian homes even faster than a confused sexual orientation. Have Christians given up on reaching the world and decided it would be better to chase them off and assure that they stay far far away? Christians have not been simply opposing the sin of homosexuality but opposing and even disowning the human caught in the struggle.

In no way am I against a stand for biblical marriage. But I will always oppose anyone who hates humans and denies God the opportunity to show them love. The question is: did you stand for biblical marriage today or against a human being? Did you respond to a passion in your heart or simply follow the herd that was trampling souls? Christians must stop making political statements and begin serving the Kingdom of God.

John 13:35

"By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

Will you hire him?

I have lived in the glorious Bible Belt my entire life and now we have moved to what some call the buckle of this moral culture. I have struggled for many years with my culture's impulsive desire for titles and boundary lines. I studied my Bible that spoke of unity and the Messiah who destroyed worldly divisions. But all of the churches I knew continued dividing and the road that stood between the leading churches of each denomination, although it is all that separated them, acted as a vast ocean of which no one would dare to cross.

Ask yourself this question: when someone asks you about your church, how do you define it? For many church-members denominational affiliation is without a doubt their first thought. For most personnel committees their stack of resumes will include only graduates of their own seminaries. Why? Is a man or woman who has been given gifts to serve and a devotion to study God's word not adequate for the leadership of your church?

When Jesus ascended from our world he left the keys to his Church in the hands of twelve apostles (including the apostle Paul). Eleven of these men had spent years with Christ, continually making a fool of themselves, most often by the words of Simon Peter.

If one of the twelve apostles resume landed in your pile, would you hire him? This is a man who does not have a seminary education, is not a part of your financial class, culture, denomination or theological framework. But would you hire him?

What defined the disciples as quality leaders were the divine gifts they received, their devotion to the study of scriptures and most importantly their baptism in the Holy Spirit. Nothing of our world should ever be a higher qualification than that which comes from the one and only God, and He cannot only be a characteristic, but THE chief character of the Church.

Are we there yet?

"Mom, sissy touched me!" Does this remind you of anything? For many people it takes them back to that family trip to Orlando, Washington D.C., or the Grand Canyon (and maybe all three). The first scream was most likely followed soon after with, "Are we there yet?" in that nasely high pitched voice that makes
Dad fume and hopefully drive a little faster.

Some of the largest theological debates (and fallacies) exist around the "ends times" and/or Christ's second coming. Books, articles, and movies are continually being produced but are we actually longing to reach this great destination or are we just curious about a literary genre? I can't speak for you, but I know that I am not continually longing for my Savior to come back for his bride. Often, I have a stronger expectancy for football season than for the eschaton. Are we too comfortable? Are our lives so caught up in this world that we forget that we are not of it?

Have Christian's settled with the answer, "We'll get there when we get there?"

It wasn't uncommon for my parents to set up small beds for us on long car drives so that we would spend more time sleeping and less time slapping each other. Have we Christians taken a nap in the back seat, leaving out all desire for our Saviors return?

Not that human actions determine the will of God, but maybe our lack of desire for God to arrive is just as annoying as your persistent impatient child. But you forget that you are driving that child to DISNEY WORLD where ALL of their hopes and dreams have dwelled ever since Toy Story.

Walt Disney succeeded in saturating children's lives with his mystical kingdom. Are we a bunch of "2%ers" wrapped up more in our crumbling world than the coming kingdom? All grown up now, where have our hopes and dreams gone? Christ commanded us to both prepare and wait for his coming (Matthew 24). So today, instead of grumbling over the specifics of John's Revelation, marvel in the beauty of our God.

"Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!" 

(Revelation 4.8)

Awkward Interruptions

Authentic Christian Community has become a hot button. We love talking about it, preaching about it, reading about it, and for the most part we all desire it, but how many days a week do we pursue it? For most people there is some awkward unspoken barrier that deprives us from one of humans' earliest identified needs. So why is it so hard to find and create this creature? When you continue this conversation through our culture of gated driveways and bolt-locked doors it becomes clear that we have created a security system to protect our lives from the world.

Not only have we locked our doors to protect ourselves but we have a fatalistic fear to even attempt to ring a doorbell. What do we fear? Most people I talk to agree that this fear is directly related with interruption. Why should I visit a friend unannounced or uninvited when I could be risking interrupting them from their busy lives? But my question is what are you actually going to interrupt? Most likely, with most Americans (if they are home) you are going to interrupt 1 of 2 things, eating or watching TV, both of which are great to do with people!

There are researches, studies, and journals written on the fact, but it doesn't take much to show that Mark Zuckerberg, Jack Dorsey and Steve Jobs have drastically changed humanity's lifestyle. The internet and social media are great tools and without them I would not be connected to friends and family across state and country. But, they can create a superficial connection that some label as stalking. No matter how many times someone tweets, posts, or texts how often do even your closest friends communicate their true struggles and needs? Stalk all you want but I'm going to go on a walk and have a conversation (go ahead, call me weird). So, stop "following" on YourPhone and start using it as a tool for this authentic community that you keep tweeting about.

My Lord and Savior did not come into this world with an invitation, and it was nowhere on Mary's Gmail Calendar. The community we drool over that is accounted in the Acts of the Apostles was not created on their own, but existed by and with the Holy Spirit. Stop waiting for some one to write on your wall and start knocking on some doors. Get awkward, interrupt, and allow Holy Spirit to move and create what we are all looking for! 

Visiting Churches

I am that small town boy who lived in the same Arkansan community for the majority of his life.  I never visited churches when I moved to college, I just picked one.  So now, we (Bailey and I - http://thegreenacres.blogspot.com/) have moved from a town of 10,000 to Fort Worth, TX.  Here you could visit churches for the rest of your life, and those are only the ones aligned with the SBC.  So how do you choose? Dare you judge? When do you begin paying dues and transfer this so-called church letter? 

It quickly became clear that the close your eyes and point to the map method, although methodological, felt about as productive as reading an encyclopedia. Ironically, I found myself deciphering the churches we would visit through online dating. There isn't a website that matches you by personality or similarity (yet). But, most churches have fairly functional sites which told me they know what the internet is, but I also found that I was able to "size up" a church with somewhat precision. I know this sounds judgmental, because in all truthfulness, it is.  So work hard not to judge but pray for discernment and seek God to guide you through the help of the Holy Spirit. 


The second factor I learned is that you can't make a choice from one, two, or more visits.  So, don't jump in the creek before you know that there is a swimming hole to land in.  After visiting the churches we selected to visit we choose a church to visit consistently, and for now feel guided to become a part of this community. The major contributions to this decision were biblical teaching and application, and genuine community.  Although there were other bodies of believers that partly fulfilled these for us, the tipping point was a family of believers that were willing to be our community immediately.  Bailey and I found ourselves in a place needing community, and for now we believe to have found it.